


When The Rain Falls

by Atumun15



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bitter, Fist Fight, M/M, Messy, Summer Fling, Sweet, bitter sweet, secret, semi fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 21:53:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15010211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atumun15/pseuds/Atumun15
Summary: When the rain fell from the sky above and coated their shoulders like a thick blanket, both of them knew that the summer had come to an end and they would have to go back to way things were before.





	When The Rain Falls

**Author's Note:**

> This is extremely messy and it flickers between mood like no fucking tomorrow and I apologize for that in advance. But while it came out a lot worse than I had intended, it was supposed to represent how it was for them. How confusing and unclear shit was. 
> 
> Anyway, this is edited by my beautiful best friend Ren and dedicated to my other best friend Cas! I hope you like it babes <33

 

Humidity will forever and always be the bane of Bang Chan’s existence. It had became a rather torturous element to summer, and frankly, was why Chan rarely ever left the house. Rain was rare during the months of May through August, the town left in a muggy, hot haze that never seemed to lift. It was said that when the rain stopped in April, the summer had officially began, and when it began to rain back in August, the summer had ended. To Chan, it was a load of bullshit, but he wouldn’t realize just how accurate it would become.

 

It had been exactly 2 and a half weeks since it last rained and one week since school was let out for the summer. Chan had been held up in his room, writing and producing music to never reach anyone’s ears for two hours a day, cleaning the house for three, and binging Netflix for the rest of the time everyday since, picking up a somewhat unhealthy schedule. His skin hadn’t seen the light during the whole routine and he was beginning to grow pale. Chan winced at the idea of what he would look like at the end of the twelve week long break.

 

It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to go outside; he yearned to hang out with his friends and have midnight drives, but here he was, stuck in his room because his parents were too controlling. Chan had given up long ago on trying to leave the house and be a teenager because his parents were too hell bent on keeping him in the house due to their own mistakes when they were younger. Yes, they did in fact care for him enough to worry, but Chan was scared that once he flew from the nest, he’d go wild and lose track of who he was as a person. It was fair to think that way, and maybe that’s what would keep him under control when his life seemed to make a rather… drastic turn.

 

His fears always kept him under wraps.

 

It was quiet. His parents had gone out of town with his brother and sister, Chan insisting that he stayed home to watch the house and get some of his summer work done. His parents were hesitant to leave him alone at first, but they figured that he was about to get into his last year of high school and he had never done anything to make them see him as a bad kid, and so left without another thought. Chan didn’t think anything was going to happen while they were gone, he just wanted to be alone for the next twelve days. That’s all there was to it. However, after the third day of watching nothing but Netflix, Chan needed out of the house, and leashed up his pitbull to go for a walk to the park. “Let’s go for a walk Nova,” Chan sighed, patting his thighs to coax the gray dog from his place on the couch.

 

Nova came bounding over at the sight of the leash, tongue sticking out and sitting patiently so Chan could put the harness over him for a better grip. “Let’s go, buddy.” Nova wasn’t a bad walke, per se; he just got very excited, and Chan had muscles for the sole reason that when this 125 pound dog went sprinting, he could keep himself stable. “Jesus, Nova!” Chan huffed, stopping right in the middle of the park underneath one of the lamps in the dead of night. Chan breathed for a second, looking around at what could have possibly caught the dogs attention, but there had been nothing in sight, at least forwards anyway. Chan jumped at the sound of another person’s voice, turning to see someone he hadn’t entirely expected to see.

 

“You’ve got some muscles on you, Bang.” Hwang Hyunjin came out from the dark of the park grass and onto the pavement, a small, furry dog in hand. “It’s rather impressive for someone who always claimed to be helpless.” Hyunjin smirked, placing his dog on the ground as Chan tried to keep ahold of Nova who really, really wanted to play with the small dog. “Aw, come on now, Bang, let them make friends.” Chan eyed the boy wearily but gave Nova a bit of slack, and the two dogs began to nudge noses and circle each other. Chan’s shoulders were tense, keeping a good distance away from the younger teenager to be cautious. Hwang Hyunjin was known to be a boy who lived and breathed trouble, and that was the one thing Chan wanted to avoid.

 

Hyunjin was a pretty boy, but also the school’s, fuck, bad boy if you will. It was a miracle he hadn’t been expelled yet due to him constantly getting in fights, telling off teachers, and vandalism. And when Chan really thought back onto everything he knew Hyunjin had done, he’s lucky he hadn’t been escorted out of school in handcuffs. “You seem tense. Scared?” Chan’s eyes flickered over to Hyunjin’s, playful and sly. Chan was the definition of stone faced at that point, a little bit of agitation mixed within. The elder didn’t want to speak to Hyunjin, not in the middle of the dark park where he could get mugged at any point. “Hm… Maybe you are scared.” Chan’s expression pulled into a thick snarl, fire in his eyes.

 

“What would I be scared of, Hwang?”

 

Hyunjin just spared Chan a smirk before curling his fingers around Chan’s bicep. “Walk with me.” Chan didn’t get much of a choice, but he didn’t fight it either. Hyunjin removed his fingers from the elder’s bicep and kept his distance. “How’s your summer been going, hm? What brings you out so late?” He wasn’t necessarily surprised that Hyunjin was trying to come off as if he were making small talk, but Chan knew better. Chan knew that the younger was really just digging to try and find something of use. Something he could use against Chan later. “So?” Chan snapped out of his thoughts, feeling a shoulder bump with his. “Your head always seems to be up in the clouds.”

 

“Bold of you to make that claim.” Hyunjin just shrugged with a tiny smirk and Chan really, really just wanted to punch it off of him. “My summer has been fine. Just needed to get out of the house.” Chan sighed and sped up a bit, but it seemed that Nova was absolutely smitten with Hyunjin’s dog and wasn’t going to speed up by any means of imagination. “What’s your dog’s name?” It was the first genuine question Chan had asked Hyunjin that night, and the teenager was surprised to know that Chan didn’t seem to give a shit about why he was at the park so late. Chan caught Hyunjin’s wide grin and glanced at him weirdly, not liking the way his stomach churned. “Stop looking at me like that.”

 

Hyunjin began to snicker. “Don’t care to know why I’m here as well? But you want to know my dog’s name?” Chan scowled, earning yet another shrug from the teenager. “Eh, can’t say I blame you. I’d be curious about the prince’s name too. His name’s Kkami.” Chan repeated the name, nodding in approval and Hyunjin’s smile seemed to widen a bit. Chan tensed when he felt Hyunjin scoot closer, lips right by his ear. “Though… I think I might have just figured out what you might be scared of.” Chan’s jaw locked, shifting his ear away from Hyunjin’s lip with a glare that could kill, but Hyunjin didn’t look disheartened by any means. Chan tried to pry it out of him. “Maybe another day, Hyung. For now, let’s just enjoy the quiet.”

 

They walked until Nova became tired, Chan internally dreading the walk home, but not voicing it outwardly. He sat down on the nearest bench, tugging Nova down so he was sat between his legs and petting his sides comfortingly. Chan had this certain habit with his dog, resting his forehead against the top of his head for a certain period of time while tapping his fingers against Nova’s tummy. It was a cute habit, one his siblings liked to tease him for, but Chan didn’t care. Nova was his baby. Hyunjin sat down next to him, Kkami in his lap and staring at Chan whispering things he couldn’t understand but recognized as English into the dog’s head. “Cute,” Hyunjin whispered.

 

Chan stopped whispering but he didn’t remove his head from Nova’s head. “I’m going to get going. It was nice seeing you,” Hyunjin uttered, winking at the elder before stalking off with Kkami in his arms. However, he didn’t get too far, as he turned around last minute and faced Chan with that same, fucking smirk. “Do you need a ride home, Bang?” Chan just shook his head. “You sure? I don’t mind.” Hyunjin insisted, and everytime Chan refused, he kept pushing. After three more times, Chan got up with a growl, approaching the younger with a snarl. “Is that a yes?” Hyunjin grinned, never backing away from the elder. Chan rolled his eyes, walking past Hyunjin who just stood and stare.

 

“Well? Hurry your ass up. I’m tired.”

 

The car ride to Chan’s house was quiet between them, but music was playing loudly. The vibes were everything Chan wanted: the windows rolled down, wind pulling back his hair, Nova in the back and the music playing. However, the person beside Chan… that was not supposed to be who was there. At least that’s what he liked to think at the time. When they rolled up to the house, Chan turned down the music a bit as to not disturb his neighbors and digging out his keys. “Thanks for the ride,” Chan offered Hyunjin a half smile before getting out of the car and grabbing Nova from the back.

 

“No problem, Bang. Take care of yourself.” Hyunjin patted his steering wheel and waited until Chan was inside to drive off. As soon as the door shut, Chan let out a huff, peeling off his jacket and throwing it on the kitchen counter without another thought. He didn’t think anyone was in the house until he heard two familiar voices cooing and squealing when Nova went running into the living room. Chan rolled his eyes and scoffed, stopping in the doorway and crossing his arms at the sight of Nova sitting on the couch with his head in Changbin’s lap and his legs in Jisung’s.

 

“Hey, Channie Hyung,” Jisung sung, motioning for the elder to come over towards them. He groaned but didn’t fight it, squeezing in between Changbin and the arm rest, throwing an arm over the younger’s shoulder. Changbin sunk into him, resting his head on the elder’s chest and staring at the tv screen with a blank stare. “We didn’t mean to show up uninvited, but we figured you could show us some of the music you’ve created.” Jisung offered Chan a heart shaped smile and the elder reached across Changbin’s shoulder to ruffle Jisung’s hair, who didn’t put up a fight. If anything, he just snuggled closer.

 

“Maybe in the morning. For right now, I just want to relax,” Chan murmured, and Changbin patted his chest in approval. Chan never fell asleep that night. Instead, Changbin and Jisung passed out in the middle of the movie and Chan was left with his thoughts. He figured he could put that time to good use and moved so the two teens were comfortable on the couch, Nova noticing Chan’s movements and following him up the stairs and into his room. He sat down with a sigh, tugging out his laptop and headphones and blocking out the world with his music, trying his best to get rid of any straying thoughts.

 

Deep down, Chan hated his life. He tried to make it better by songwriting, cleaning, making sure he stayed in shape, and keeping close with his friends. But Chan hated this town and everyone in it. Besides Changbin and Jisung of course, but one day Chan was going to leave them. He was going to run away from the town and his problems there, and leave his two best friends behind and - “Hey, Channie Hyung, are you okay?” Chan let out a gasp, flinching away from the hand enclosing his shoulder and throwing his head phones around his neck. Behind him, Changbin stared down at him in concern, a frown on his lips. “Why are you still awake?”

 

Chan’s hands circled his friend’s waist with a sigh, running his thumbs along the younger’s toned stomach. “I just can’t sleep. You should go back though. Don’t worry about me. Just get some sleep,” Chan coaxed, nudging Changbin back towards the bed, but Changbin caught Chan’s hands before he could get too far, pulling him with Changbin. “Bin, I really need to work on this -” Changbin’s glare shut Chan right up. Chan let out a sigh, turning off all of his equipment and then climbing into bed with the younger. Nova climbed off and circled around his pile of blankets, dropping with a grunt. Changbin uttered out a quiet, “Same Nova,” and Chan started cackling into Changbin’s hair. “You still pining after Minho?”

 

“Yeah.” Changbin’s fingers traveled along Chan’s collar. “There’s another guy now, though. Woojin? The head of choir?” Chan nodded in acknowledgement, a smirk rising on his lips. “I ran into him a week ago. We exchanged numbers and now I can’t stop talking to him. He’s nice, but Minho is…” Changbin didn’t have to finish. Minho was Minho; the boy who could wrap anybody around his finger at the sound of his laugh alone, but for Changbin, to know almost everything about the elder, he was rightfully fucked. “I don’t know what to do, Chan. I _love_ Minho, but I think I could fall for Woojin in the future.” Changbin had a right to worry, but Chan knew Changbin better than Changbin knew himself.  The younger, despite his tough outer layer, was not meant for only one person. Changbin fell easily, and he grew attached easily. There was no doubt that this man had a ⅓ soulmate instead of just another half.

 

“You’ll figure it out, Bin. You always do.”

 

They laid there for a while, just listening to the sound of each other’s heart beats, and soon, Changbin was knocked out on top of Chan, the elder huffing a bit. However, the door to his bedroom opened and a sluggish Jisung mosied in, dropping down on the bed beside Chan. “You guys left me,” Jisung whined, burying his face into Chan’s collar bone and feeling the elder place his lips against his forehead as an apology. “Hyung, who dropped you off? We heard a car pull up,” Jisung asked out of curiosity, and Changbin woke up and began to snicker.

 

“You know that car, Jisung. That was Hyunjin. You two friends now?” Changbin didn’t even bother opening his eyes, but there was a wide smirk covering his lips and Jisung began to cackle as well. Chan smacked them both upside the head, telling them no and that they need to sleep before he leaves them there. “You’re not going anywhere, Hyung. You’re our foundation, whether you like it or not.”

 

Chan didn’t like it.

  


“Surprised to see you again… No dog this time?” His voice rung out, sending chills down Chan’s spine and causing him to freeze in the middle of the walkway. The elder let out a sigh and let his shoulders drop as he swiveled around on his heel to face Hyunjin. The teen was grinning like a maniac, and Chan began to feel uneasy around him. “Ah. Seems you’re surprised as well. Which means you’re not following me around in hopes of speaking with me again.” Chan stormed up to him so quickly that Hyunjin was sure that Chan was going to throw a punch, but he never did. They just ended up nearly nose to nose, Hyunjin giggling like a madman. “Come on, Bang. Punch me. I know you want to. Maybe I’ll like it.”

 

Chan scoffed and backed away with a shake of his head, internally scolding himself for getting riled up for practically no reason at all. Hyunjin just made him so angry. The younger called out to him, telling him to wait up. “Fuck off, Hwang,” Chan snapped, but Hyunjin came running up, stopping him in his tracks with a grin. Chan knew what was coming, he knew what the boy was going to say next; he just wished he hadn’t. Perhaps it would have stopped anything from proceeding further, save Chan from the shit that was going to happen next. But Chan believed in fate, and he believed that everything that happened had  happened for a reason.

 

“I won’t fuck off, but I’ll gladly fuck you.” Chan’s eyes rolled so far into the back of his head that he was sure they were going to get stuck but the scoff that left his mouth was what really set them off. “What? Are you saying you’d top?” To be quick and frank, Chan wanted this conversation to be over, and that was why he acted so quickly. Next thing either one of them knew, Hyunjin was pinned to a tree by his throat, Chan glaring up at him with the angriest snarl Hyunjin had seen in a very long time.

 

“The only thing I’ll be doing to you is cutting off your balls and shoving them down your throat if you get suggestive like that again,” Chan gritted out, “Do we understand each other, Hwang?” Despite the shocked smirk on the teens face, he was frightened to a certain degree by the elder. Chan was seen as this lazy, sleepy sloth by pretty much the entire school, so this was a surprise to him. Hyunjin nodded. “Good. Too young for that shit anyway.” Chan shook his head and let the younger go, walking away.

 

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. Let me buy you dinner, to make it up to you,” Hyunjin called out suddenly, Chan glancing at him over his shoulder. “I know this really good sushi place. I’ll give you a ride home afterwards.” Chan was rather caught off guard by the sincerity in the boy’s tone but didn’t show it in anyway. Instead, he nodded once and waited for Hyunjin to catch up to him. “Oh. Ok. Good. Let’s go,” the teen stammered for a moment, obviously not expecting Chan to take him up on his offer.

 

The two walked in a perfect silence, Hyunjin humming to himself occasionally. Despite the situation or everything that just went down, Chan felt at peace. It was rather amusing how quickly Hyunjin could flit between being an asshole and a gentleman, but as quickly as it was amusing, it was fearful as well. Chan was just waiting for the moment Hyunjin’s gentlemen facade faded into something a bit more… real. “What’s your game here, Hwang?” Chan murmured, stuffing a roll into his mouth without sparing the younger a look. Hyunjin stayed quiet for a moment, cocking his head to the side to feign innocence. “Don’t try and act innocent, okay? I don’t know what you’re planning, but I can guarantee you that it’ll end in flames,” Chan warned.

 

Hyunjin chuckled lowly, leaning over the table until their breaths mingled, too close for comfort. “And what if there isn’t a plan, Bang?”

 

Chan lifted his hand, placing his thumb against the boy’s chin and locking the rest of his fingers along his jaw tightly. “You may be a fool, Hwang, but you always have a plan. _Always_.” Hyunjin wanted to laugh at the irony of that. Wanted to laugh in the elder’s face and wag his fingers to explain that he didn’t. Hyunjin had an end goal, and perhaps it wasn’t the best. “Now sit back and eat your food.” Chan leaned back, stuffing another roll in his mouth with an empty, agitated smile adorning his lips and letting Hyunjin come down from his shock.

 

“You’re something else, Bang.”

 

“Ah, but you like it no? We wouldn’t be doing this right now if you didn’t.”

 

Chan was always too smart for his own good. “Sure, hyung,” Hyunjin breathed in amusement and that had been the end of it. They talked casually for a while, getting to know each other, and it took a bit of coaxing to get Chan to open up to him but Hyunjin got there eventually. “So, why so many midnight runs? I saw you last night but I didn’t say anything. You looked upset.” Chan had been going out for the past two nights, feeling unbearably stressed and upset all in one. The midnight walks helped him a lot, to calm himself down, but Chan didn’t want to admit something like that to Hyunjin. He’d use it against him.

 

“I just like them. There isn’t much to it.” Hyunjin tried to keep prying, but Chan was hell bent on keeping his reasons to himself, and Hyunjin supposed he could respect that. “Since you’re so interested in mine, why don’t you tell me your reasons… you know… for insurance.” Chan grinned with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, and Hyunjin found it hard to resist asking why Chan could possibly need some sort of insurance. “You’re known for being quite destructive. I just want something to fall back on if you get… experimental.” Hyunjin laughed a bit, a strange glint in his eyes that bordered across that of respect.

 

“I can agree that I am destructive, but I can assure you that you will not be apart of whatever damage I cause.”

 

Hyunjin took Chan home again that night, walking him to his door instead of just dropping him off at the road, and Chan was a bit caught off guard. “You’re a pleasant surprise, Bang.” Hyunjin smirked, running his pointer finger along Chan’s bicep. “I’ll be seeing you again.” Chan watched Hyunjin go, feeling lips ghost over his cheek for a moment before he climbed into his car. The teen winked towards Chan one final time before he drove off, Chan rolling his eyes and straightening himself up from his leaning position to unlock the door and step inside for the night. Much like the first night they met up, Chan’s house hadn’t been barren. There was a person lying down on the couch with tear tracks on his cheeks.

 

“Bin? Binnie, what’s wrong?” Chan wondered worriedly, placing himself on the couch by the younger’s head. Changbin didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure he could. He merely pulled himself so his head was in Chan’s lap and he was practically curled in on himself. Chan let out a soft sigh through his nose, placing one hand in Changbin’s hair and the other rubbing soft circles into his stomach. Changbin let a few tears slip, trying his best to discreetly wipe them away, but Chan caught him at the last minute. “Look at me,” Chan urged, putting a bit of pressure on Changbin’s petite body to twist him so he was facing upwards. “Come on, Bin.” Changbin gave in, showing the elder his swollen, red and puffy face damp with tears.

 

Chan didn’t know what Changbin had been crying about, but he knew it had to be heart breaking for him to come all the way to Chan’s house to cry his heart out. Chan reached down, kissing away the present tears on Changbin’s cheeks tenderly and then stroking his thumbs across the skin there. Changbin couldn’t hold back his sobs anymore, the sickening sounds coming from the depths of his throat. He clutched the back of Chan’s shirt tightly, their foreheads pressed together and Chan’s back hunched uncomfortably. “I’m such an idiot, hyung,” Changbin choked out through his tears, pulling back from the elder and sitting up so his back was facing Chan and he could hide himself.

 

Changbin’s shoulders shook, head tilted down so his chin was buried in his chest. Chan wrapped his arms underneath his armpits from behind and shifted his body so Changbin was leaning against his chest between Chan’s legs. Changbin nuzzled his face into Chan’s lower bicep, that being the only thing he could reach at the time, and Chan kept his own in the younger’s hair. “They were dating. They’ve been dating for months. I’ve been pining after both of them and they didn’t even bother to tell me they were together,” Changbin muttered bitterly, wiping away his tears furiously, and a spark of both anger and remorse appeared in Chan’s stomach. “I can’t believe I ever thought I had a chance.”

 

“Hey,” Chan started, face pulled into a slight scowl. “Anyone would be so fucking lucky to have you. And just because they’re dating, doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance. They’ve been talking to you right?” Changbin nodded his head. “So maybe they’re both interested. Don’t give up, Bin. Please?” Chan pleaded. He just wanted Changbin to be happy, to not give up at the first sign of failure and stick through with something. Changbin nodded his head frantically, wiping away his tears and relaxing into Chan’s body like a rag doll. “It’s going to be okay, Changbin.” Chan pressed a tiny kiss to the back of the younger’s head, and that had been the end of Changbin’s meltdown.

 

Perhaps in another life, Changbin and Chan would have been involved romantically. They knew each other better than they knew themselves, and that shined through when they needed it to. But in this one, in this particular life, they were merely platonic soulmates who were meant to have each other’s backs. “Thank you for being here, Channie. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Bin.”

  


The next time Chan saw Hyunjin, it had been intentional on the younger’s part. Much like the last two times, it was dark out, but instead of walking around, Chan was held up on the couch watching Netflix like he did most nights when his parents were actually there. Nova had been asleep in the other chair, just daring for anyone besides Chan to wake him from his peaceful slumber, and the idea of his agitated grunts amused the teen to an extent. Nova was always too grumpy for his own good. Knocks came at the door; Chan eyed it warily. Changbin and Jisung never knocked, and as far as Chan was aware, he wasn’t expecting anybody. So he grabbed for the bat he kept by the couch and approached the door, ready to attack the potential intruder.

 

However, when he peeked through the hole and saw Hyunjin, he huffed and put the bat down. “This is how you get yourself killed, Hwang. Showing up at someone’s house uninvited,” Chan snapped as he opened his door, blocking the way through with his body. Hyunjin just shrugged with a small smile. “What do you want?” Chan sighed, leaning against the doorway and looking around for any sort of wandering eyes. Hyunjin cocked his head to the side, hooking his finger around the elder’s collar with a smirk, and Chan’s gaze sharpened considerably. “Hwang…” Hyunjin let go.

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out for ice cream.” Chan stared at him suspiciously, not entirely expecting that. “I’m looking for some sober company tonight, and all my friends are drunk or high at the moment,” the younger hummed, glancing over the elder’s shoulder when he heard a thump and the clicking of nails against floor. “Nova baby!” Hyunjin called, nudging Chan aside a bit in hopes of being let through. Chan didn’t mind too much, figuring that if something was going to happen, then something was going to happen. Hyunjin didn’t even spare the mess on the counters a second glance, bolting straight for the pitbull and smothering him in kisses and love.

 

Chan leaned against the closed door with his lips quirked up slightly, just enough for it to be noticeable, and arms folded behind him. Hyunjin turned to him after a few moments, staring right into Chan’s eyes and offering him a smile that very few people saw. “Let me go get dressed,” Chan hushed, pushing himself off of the door and pacing down the hallway into his room. He pulled out a pair of jeans, a black shirt, and a blue and black flannel, being quick to slip them on before Hyunjin decided to get curious and come down the hallway and see him half naked in his room. “Are you ready to go?” Chan asked as he tried to straighten out his collar down the hallway. Hyunjin sat on the counter texting on his phone.

 

The younger looked up. “Yeah. But you’re not,” Hyunjin chuckled, getting up from his seat and approaching Chan. No words were exchanged between the two as Hyunjin’s hands came up to straighten the elder’s collar with ease. His hands lingered across the neatly folded fabric, keeping his eyes trained on the messy hair on top of Chan’s head. “Your hair is so messy.” Chan’s shoulder’s untensed a bit at the feeling of Hyunjin’s fingers in his locks, combing out the knots and patting it down. “Alright. Let’s go.” The younger patted Chan’s chest with a sigh, a small smile adorning his lips, and Chan followed him out to his car.

 

The same vibes from a few nights ago put Chan’s heart at ease, feeling a bit more comfortable with the person in the driver’s seat. “Can I ask you a question?” Chan flickered his eyes over to Hyunjin at his request, quirking up an eyebrow. “When you got here, a few years ago, you never said where you came from. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that slight accent to you either. So, I’m curious.” Hyunjin shrugged, and Chan eyed him with a twitch of a smile. Chan didn’t like to talk about his life back in Australia. Nothing bad had happened; Chan just prefered to keep what was in the past, in the past.

 

“Australia.” Hyunjin hummed, turning the car into the parking lot of the ice cream parlor and shifting his body towards Chan. “What?” Chan wondered, noticing the way Hyunjin wouldn’t tear his eyes off of him. Hyunjin surged forward, placing one hand to Chan’s cheek and kissing the opposite side of his jaw. Hyunjin didn’t pull away right off the bat, shifting his head so they were face to face. The younger wanted to kiss Chan until they were both breathless, yearning for more, but something held him back. A voice in the back of his head told him that would be the worst idea he’s ever had, and that he had to be patient. Patient for Chan to make the first move, and for the first time in a long time, Hyunjin listened to that voice in the back of his head.

 

“I’m hungry. Let’s go get some ice cream.”

 

“Finally.”

 

Chan actually ended up paying for the both of them, practically holding the younger back as he threw the money at the cashier for her to take it. “Hyung! I could have paid,” Hyunjin whined, stomping his foot like a child, but Chan didn’t even spare him a glance as he took his ice cream and began to walk away. Hyunjin huffed and snatched his from the counter and raced after the elder who was already sitting outside. “You’re too much, Bang,” Hyunjin grumbled as he sat across from Chan, taking his spoon and scooping out some of the ice cream in Chan’s cup as some sort of retaliation. But Chan was much crueler than Hyunjin was and took the boy’s whole cup of ice cream and went to go walk away. “No!” Hyunjin screeched, bolting up behind him and picking Chan up and off of the ground.

 

“Hwang! Put me down!” Chan beat against the younger’s arms until he was sat down on a bench, Hyunjin lowering himself beside the elder and taking his ice cream back. “If you had done that a few days ago I would have beat your ass,” Chan grumbled, stabbing his ice cream aggressively with his spoon. Hyunjin raised his eyebrows at that, smirking widely at the elder and nudging him with his elbow.

 

“What changed?”

 

“I grew tolerant of you.”

 

“Just tolerant?”

 

“Don’t push it, Hwang.”

  


When they got back in the car, Hyunjin hesitated to start it. He merely stared at his wheel, stroking his fingers along the textured material. Chan nudged him a bit, silently asking him what was wrong, and Hyunjin looked up at him, a mischievous smile on his lips. “You wanna make a run for me?” Chan tensed at that, not knowing exactly what it was but having a pretty good idea of what Hyunjin was asking him to do. “It’ll be quick. I’ll give you some of the money,” Hyunjin persisted, and Chan wasn’t sure he could say no. He couldn’t bring himself to for some reason, and he hated it. Chan nodded his head. “Great.” Hyunjin started the car, put it in gear, and drove away from the ice cream shop.

 

Chan had been expecting a sketchy house or an apartment building at the very least. Instead, they pulled up outside a small mansion and Chan’s breath hitched in his throat. “There’s a bag in the back. Take it up to the door and wait a few minutes. Knock a few times if you have to. Make sure he gives you 700,000 won,” Hyunjin explained thoroughly, popping the trunk and waiting for Chan to leave the car. Chan weighed this situation in his head, wondering how the hell he got to this point but deciding that that’s not what he wanted to know at the time.

 

“Can I ask what’s in the bag?”

 

Hyunjin eyes him cautiously for a moment, slipping his hand onto Chan’s thigh and patting it. “Maybe next time.” Chan wasn’t sure if he was more unsettled about the fact that Hyunjin wouldn’t let him know what was inside the bag or that there was a next time. Chan got out of the car, approaching the trunk and pulling out the small black bag. Before he walked up to the house, Hyunjin honked to grab his attention and rolled down the window. “Hey, if they give you trouble, I’m right here.” Chan reached through the window, patting the side of his cheek with a tight smile.

 

“I can take care of myself, Hwang.” Hyunjin raised his arms in surrender and Chan patted the top of the car before setting off. He stood underneath the porch light, the music inside booming and vibrating the concrete beneath him, and knocked against the door a few times. It quickly turned to pounds though, as no one seemed to hear him. Eventually, the door opened, a slightly flustered Seungmin in the doorway with a pretty blonde boy behind him. “Yes?” Seungmin snapped and Chan held up the bag, shaking it a bit. “Oh.” Seungmin eyed the bag and Chan for a moment, not quite believing the sight before him. “Just give me a minute.” Seungmin stalked off, leaving the blonde boy in the doorway.

 

“Hey, Channie Hyung.”

 

“Hey, Lix… it’s been a while.”

 

Felix chuckled a bit, surging forward to pull his old best friend into a hug. “I missed you.” Felix grinned, pulling back and placing his palm on Chan’s cheek and rubbing it with a bit of pressure. However, his eyes flickered over Chan’s shoulder, the elder finally acknowledging the eyes burning into his back. Chan turned, catching eyes with Hyunjin who quickly looked away, jaw locked and looking irritated. “I didn’t know you were running around with Hyunjin, much less doing -,“ Felix poked the bag, “- this.” Chan just shrugged. Seungmin came around the corner, wad of money in hand and passing it over to the elder. Chan counted it out until he made sure he had all of the money there. “You should go before he kills me with his eyes. We need to hang out again.” Felix nudged Chan away after placing a warm kiss to his cheek, the elder smelling the alcohol on his breath.

 

“Take care of yourself Lix.”

 

Chan walked away and the door to the house shut, Seungmin eyeing the wood warily. “Did you… did you know Chan was in the drug business?” Felix rolled his eyes at Seungmin’s stuttering, grabbing him by the back of the head and connecting their lips hungrily, escaping back into the temptations and free will of the party at hand.

 

“Any trouble?”

 

Chan got in the car, laughing a bit at the question. “You should know. You were staring at me the whole time.” Hyunjin didn’t say anything after that, watching Chan pull out the money from his pocket and handing it to him. Hyunjin took it, counting it out, and then taking out 200,000, handing it to him. “No, no, it’s fine.” Chan pushed it away, waving his hand at the younger. Hyunjin stared at him for a moment, backing down and slipping the money back into the wad. “Take me somewhere. Anywhere. Just not home,” Chan whispered after a few minutes of silence. Hyunjin seemed caught off guard by the request but didn’t ask questions. Chan seemed… upset, and Hyunjin wanted to make him feel better.

 

“Sure. Sure.”

 

They ended up in an abandoned skating rink by the railroad tracks, looking like a perfect place for a murder or a drug deal. The place made him uneasy, but the way Hyunjin seemed to be comfortable around that particular place outside of his car made Chan take not. “I know it looks sketchy, but nobody knows about it. Or at least they don’t care to come here,” Hyunjin reassured with a bright smirk, and Chan relaxed a bit. Hyunjin tugged him over to the couch sat outside and shoved him down onto it. Chan huffed, but his eyes screamed playful when Hyunjin went inside the small building attached and brought out a few lanterns and a radio. He set the lanterns down on the ground next to the couch, turning them on and doing the same with the radio.

 

When everything was set, Hyunjin plopped down on the couch beside Chan and leaned back, letting out a heavy sigh. “Stressed?” Chan inquired with a small laugh, Hyunjin peeping one eye open and reaching out his hand, placing it on Chan’s knee. The elder didn’t push it off; instead, he reached out and placed his own on the younger’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. Chan didn’t know what he was reassuring, but he felt as though Hyunjin needed it. Chan looked up at the sky, seeing the moon through the clear sky, and something bitter sprung in his chest when he didn’t see a cloud for miles. But along with those clouds, stars were gone with them and Chan didn’t know how he felt about that.

 

“You good, Bang?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You don’t sound fine.”

 

Perhaps Chan was losing his mind. Perhaps the outside air had gotten to him and Chan finally realized that who he was, what he did, and the people he was with wasn’t what he wanted. But Chan had to put up with it for one more year, and he wasn’t sure he could handle it. “I need a distraction,” Chan whispered, never looking away from the sky, and Hyunjin could have swore he saw the brink of tears in his eyes. Hyunjin moved slowly, giving Chan a chance to back out at any moment. He moved his hands first, slipping it up Chan’s body until he was cupping the back of the elder’s neck, and then he straddled Chan’s legs, letting his face hover above the elder’s for a moment, giving Chan a definite assurance of his presence. “Do it.”  

 

Their lips clasped together and Chan felt his brain leave his body and his nerves stop working. He felt like he was numb when Hyunjin’s lips touched his, and Chan craved it. They parted for a moment, catching their breath, and this time Chan was the one to surge forward. Chan was the one to slip his hands around the younger’s hips and kiss back with just as much vigor. This wasn’t out of passion or love. This was something they wanted but didn’t know they wanted. This was an act of comfort and hunger, but strings were still attached. They always were. They stopped when their lips and hands went too far, Chan’s neck covered in hickies and Hyunjin no doubt having bruises on his hips. “Not here. Not now,” Hyunjin whispered, pulling away. Chan nodded breathlessly. “Good enough distraction?”

 

“Yeah.”

  


If Chan were completely honest, he was getting unbelievably tired of people knocking on his door. Yes, his parents were out of town, but his head was killing him and he just wanted to sleep. Chan stumbled to the door, tearing it open with a scowl and not even sparing the person a look. “Listen, whatever the fuck it is, I can promise you that I don’t care,” Chan snapped, meeting a pair of fox-like eyes. When he saw that it was Jeongin, the school’s golden boy, he relaxed a bit. “Oh. Hey. What’s up?” Chan leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest as Jeongin rocked back and forth on his feet awkwardly. “Do you need to come in or…?” Chan trailed off, just as awkwardly and Jeongin was quick to shake his head.

 

“No! No… I’m uh… I’m looking for Hyunjin. Do you know where he might be at?” Chan quirked up an eyebrow at this. Why were they asking _him_ about _Hyunjin_? “Felix said you guys have been hanging out, so I didn’t know if he crashed at your place for the last two days or something…” Chan slowly shook his head. “Oh… well I guess this is just another one of this disappearances. I’m sorry for bothering you.” Jeongin smiled apologetically and began to walk away but Chan called out to him, telling him to wait. Jeongin whirled around and Chan saw Hyunjin. He wondered if they were related. Cousins maybe?

 

“What do you mean by disappearances?”

 

“I’ll let him tell you.” Jeongin smiled and walked away, Chan watching him until he disappeared. Perhaps that’s when Chan began to worry about Hyunjin and the life he lived. Sure, he only got to experience it once, but there was no hard telling that it was just weed in that bag and what Hyunjin was involved in. But Chan didn’t voice his worries; he never did. He didn’t text Hyunjin asking where he was at, he didn’t ask around or anything. He left it alone. If Hyunjin was meant to see him again, he will. He knew that Hyunjin would show up on his doorway one way or another.

 

So when he did the night before his parents were supposed to come home, he wasn’t all that surprised, just disappointed. Chan opened the door in a black t-shirt and sweats, cup of noodles in hand. “Hey,” Hyunjin breathed, looking like hell on earth. Chan didn’t say anything, merely walking back inside with the door open, Hyunjin following. Chan leaned against one of the kitchen counters, eating with his heart beating slowly and feeling at ease. Hyunjin looked around the house, a silence falling over them. “Please say something,” Hyunjin whispered and Chan sighed, setting the bowl of noodles down and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Hyunjin didn’t hesitate to step into the elder’s arms when they opened in invitation.

 

One of Chan’s hands twined in Hyunjin’s knotted, greasy hair, the other placed between his shoulder blades. “People have been looking for you,” Chan murmured into Hyunjin’s cheek, placing a lingering kiss to the pale skin there. Hyunjin didn’t say anything, relaxing into the only thing that felt like a breath of fresh air.

 

“Did you?”

 

“No. Figured you’d show up on my doorstep anyway,” Chan chuckled, tugging his face back and looking at Hyunjin as he stroked the back of his head. “You need a shower. You reek. Down the hall, first door on the left, I’ll bring you some clothes.” Chan nudged him away, but Hyunjin grabbed his collar and tugged himself back into Chan’s chest, licking lips for a prolonged peck. It was nice, but too breathy for his liking. “Go shower, Hwang,” Chan broke away with a laugh, Hyunjin pouting but accepting his fate and walking down the hall, leaving Chan to finish his noodles. “Idiot,” Chan muttered to himself.

 

“I heard that!”

 

“Good!”

 

Chan dug through his drawers trying to find something for Hyunjin to wear when Hyunjin came padding in, towel wrapped around his waist. “Fuck it. Free game. Find whatever.” Chan threw his hands up in the air in defeat, and Hyunjin laughed at the elder, telling him it was okay and that he’d find something. “Hey… are you okay?” Chan asked when Hyunjin placed his hand against the elder’s stomach and stroked softly. Hyunjin tensed, looked away, and Chan sighed. Hyunjin was secretive, Chan knew that, and he also knew that he wasn’t in any position to be asking questions. He wasn’t even sure what they were. They were just Hyunjin and Chan. “Go get dressed.” Chan pecked his cheek and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

 

When Hyunjin came out of the room in an oversized maroon sweater and black boxers, Chan was sitting at the dining table, writing in a journal. Hyunjin leaned against the doorway into the kitchen, watching Chan with a fond smile without the elder knowing. “What are you doing, Bang?” Hyunjin spoke up, never moving from his position against the doorway and startling Chan back into the real world. Chan leaned back in his seat, fiddling with the pencil in his hand before glancing at the younger with a weak smile. “Come on.” Hyunjin held out his hand to Chan, waiting for the elder to get out of his seat and take it. Hyunjin lead them both into Chan’s bedroom, holding Chan’s hand between his two behind him. “Sit down. Relax. I can see your hands aching.” They knew each other better than people who hadn’t been talking for very long should have. Hyunjin already knew about Chan’s awful, awful habits.

 

Chan’s back hit the mattress, the elder situating himself so he was halfway under the blankets and watching Hyunjin pace around his room, picking up random items. “You’re so messy,” Hyunjin grumbled under his breath, making sure Chan’s room was clean before climbing into bed with the other, but instead of lying on the mattress like a normal person, he pinned Chan down onto it with a smirk. “I missed you,” Hyunjin whispered, lowering his head to pepper feather like kisses along his jawline. Chan chuckled, patting his butt lightly and pressing his lips against Hyunjin’s sweetly. However, that one kiss turned into something more… needy. Not heated, but there was something to it that hadn’t been there before. Chan flipped them around, holding Hyunjin’s head in his hands and kissing him like his life depended on it, as if his lips were fresh air.

 

They separated, resting their foreheads together and panting. Chan rolled off of him with a grunt. “Get some sleep, baby,” Chan mumbled out lazily, not realizing the affect the pet name had on Hyunjin, and turning his back to snuggle into one of his pillows. Chan wasn’t sure how long it took, but soon, Hyunjin was attached to his back and Chan was holding one of his hands, kissing his knuckles. “Goodnight, Hwang.”

 

“Goodnight, Bang.”

  


Chan’s parents came home, and Chan woke up to an empty bed and a note on the pillow beside him. Hyunjin warned him of his parents and that he’d text him soon to see if they could hang out, but Chan scoffed at the idea. He’d probably never see that boy again, and last night was the last for both of them. They hadn’t even gotten started before they ended, and something bitter flickered in Chan’s chest. There wasn’t anything he could do about it now. “Hey mom,” Chan hummed when he walked into the kitchen, seeing her sitting at the table and reading a book. Her eyes flickered up, eyeing her son and waiting for him to come give her a hug. Chan hesitated,\ but gave in anyway, wrapping her up in a one armed hug. “Welcome home.”

 

Before Chan could leave the kitchen and greet his dad and siblings, but his mother stopped him. “Hey, wait a second.” Chan stopped, turning towards his mother with his heart hammering in his chest and lips pulled into a tight smile. “There was a car I didn’t recognize a few houses down. Is someone new in the neighborhood?” A glint was apparent in her eyes, as if she knew everything that had happened in her house for the last 13 days, and Chan tried his best to keep himself calm. Chan shook his head, bearing a small, believable smile.

 

“I slept a lot, I didn’t keep up with what was going on.” Chan shrugged and escaped the kitchen and into the lounge where his father and brother were. “Hey,” Chan sighed, leaning against the doorway with his hands in his pockets. His younger brother was curled up on the couch, looking sleepy and dazed. “Go to bed, kid.” Chan patted his head once, nudging him along and sitting down next to Nova and cuddling him. “How was your trip?” Chan murmured towards his dad, offering him a tiny smile.

 

“It was nice. You should have gone.”

 

“Nah. I got my school stuff knocked out so now I’m free.” Chan stretched out on the couch with a small smile, Nova climbing on top of him and resting his head on his lower stomach. His father merely laughed and shook his head, watching the news. It was quiet, peaceful even, and Chan enjoyed it. But he couldn’t help but wonder when that silence would get broken.

  


Surprisingly enough, Chan managed to get out of the house and hang out with his friends at the mall. “Channie hyung!” A familiar screech sounded out, Chan looking to his left to see none other than Lee Minho barreling towards him. Chan’s eyes were as wide as saucers when Minho got too close, crashing into him and knocking them both to the ground. “I missed you!” Changbin’s and Jisung’s eyes rolled into the back of their heads at Minho’s over dramatic screeches and kisses along Chan’s face. Chan shoved him off, sitting up and looking around shyly. Chan’s heart stopped when he locked gazes with a familiar set of eyes he hadn’t seen in almost two and a half weeks.

 

Chan looked away from Hyunjin when the younger winked his way and a hand appeared in front of his face. Jisung waved his fingers a bit, trying to get Chan to snap out of the weird daze he was in. “Sorry,” Chan murmured, taking Jisung’s hand and getting pulled up onto the ground, taking note of the way Changbin was dusting off Minho’s chest and the way the elder was gazing down at him endearingly. Chan was definitely going to talk to Minho later. When Chan glanced back at where Hyunjin had been before, he was nowhere to be seen, and Chan felt his lungs close up.

 

In the back of his head, Chan acknowledged the fact that Hyunjin was practically following his group around, but he didn’t truly notice it until he was cornered in the corner of a record shop by the younger. “Hey, Bang,” Hyunjin smirked, slipping one arm around Chan’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder from behind. Chan flinched, ready to punch the person in the face, but stopped last second when he saw a familiar pair of lips and eyes staring back at him. Chan let out a huff, but relaxed against the shelf behind him. “Nice to know you don’t want to punch my face anymore,” Hyunjin snickered and Chan grinned mischievously.

 

“Trust me, Hwang. Your face is just as punchable as it is kissable.”

 

Chan’s thumb stroked across Hyunjin’s chin and jaw, glancing over every inch of his face with a look of pure and utter fondness, something Hyunjin wanted to see for the rest of his life. A larger, thinner hand enclosed Chan’s, Hyunjin shifting his face so he could press his lips against Chan’s palm. “Then kiss me, you fool.” Chan chuckled, inching his neck forward and pressing his lips to Hyunjin’s for a moment. “Nah, I haven’t seen you in two and a half weeks, Bang. Get back here,” Hyunjin laughed, pulling Chan back by the collar gently and slotting their lips together feverishly. Chan couldn’t take it seriously, laughing into it as he cupped Hyunjin’s cheeks and leaned forward.

 

They separated with a breath, trying to contain their blissful grins as Chan’s thumbs caressed the apple of Hyunjin’s cheeks. “Does this mean I get to punch you now?” Chan snickered trailing his hands down to Hyunjin’s chest.

 

“If I get to punch you back.”

 

“We can make those arrangements.”

 

Hyunjin let out a snort. “Idiot.”

 

The two stood there for a few moments, never detaching themselves from one another and occasionally pressing tiny kisses to chins, noses, ears, cheeks, foreheads, shoulders, anywhere they could reach. “Fuck, I missed you,” Chan breathed into the younger’s neck, holding him close. Hyunjin nodded, thumbing at the muscle between Chan’s shoulder blades with a soft grin, a grin no one really saw. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault we haven’t been seeing each other, it’s just my parents and -,” Hyunjin shushed him, pulling his face back into his neck and pressing a kiss to his hair.

 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

 

“Am I interrupting something?” The two flinched apart, Hyunjin missing the warmth of Chan but letting that need fade away when he saw Lee Minho standing at the end of the isle. Anger sparked in his chest at the look of fire in Minho’s eyes, the elder staring him down as if he were the gum on the bottom of his shoe. Chan flickered his eyes between the two, subtly placing his hand on Hyunjin’s back and applying a bit of pressure. Chan shook his head, asking what he wanted. “We’re about to leave. I’ll meet you out front.” His voice was cold, but his eyes never tore away from Hyunjin and Chan tensed up.

 

“Hey, what was that about?” Chan wondered softly, grasping Hyunjin’s hand and tilting his face so Hyunjin was staring him in the eyes. Chan felt his stomach flip when he saw the anger fade away from the younger’s eyes and replaced by something along the lines of a soft solemness. “Talk to me, baby,” Chan hushed, moving his hand up to play with the shell of Hyunjin’s ear, and Hyunjin looked around, huffing. Hyunjin didn’t like talking about anything negative in his life around Chan, but Chan wanted to hear all of it; he didn’t care about what would happen, he just wanted to know what was going on.

 

“We just have some bad blood between us, okay? Don’t worry about it too much.” Hyunjin pecked him once. “You should go. I want to see you soon. Do you think you can work something out?” Hyunjin pouted, towering over his… what even were they? Were they dating? Were they a thing? Were they just friends? Was it just a game? Hyunjin was snapped out of his thoughts by a slap to his stomach. “Hyung!” Chan laughed at Hyunjin’s whining, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“Stop over thinking. I’ll work something out, Hwang.”  

 

“Baby...”

 

“What?” Chan turned in confusion, not quite hearing what was muttered under his breath. The tips of Hyunjin’s ears turned red and Chan smirked wildly. Hyunjin shook his head, muttered out a cracked nothing, and Chan’s tongue swiped across his lips. “Alright… I’ll see you soon, _baby_.” Chan winked and left the store, approaching his friend group outside the shop. “Where to next?” Minho’s shoulders tensed at the sound of Chan’s voice, turning to face him and trying his best to offer Chan a smile.

 

“We’re going to go get some food, but we’re splitting off. You’re with me.” Minho took Chan’s hand, intertwining their fingers and dragging them away towards the food court. Chan felt uneasy, his stomach churning at the idea of being alone with Minho. Chan wouldn’t have cared before - he _liked_ Minho, he was fun to be around. But after what happened in the store, Chan was scared of what Minho would have in store for him. “What do you want?” Minho wondered, voice a lot softer than it had been before and lips lingering by his ear.

 

“I’ll just get some ramen.” Chan murmured and Minho nodded, placing his hand on Chan’s back and guiding them over. Minho ordered for the both of them, and Chan looked around, bottom lip between his teeth. He wanted to see Hyunjin again, take him and escape off somewhere for the day, but he knew better. Chan thought he was okay after not seeing Hyunjin for so long, still not sure of his own feelings for the younger, but now, Chan _needed_ more. He _needed_ Hyunjin.

**Hwang: Why are you looking for me?**

 

**Bang: Who said I was looking for you?**

 

**Hwang: Right…**

 

**Bang: Where the hell are you, let me tease you.**

 

**Hwang: Behind you.**

  


Chan whirled around, seeing Hyunjin sat at a table with a grin. Except, he wasn’t alone. Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin were sat there with him. Chan’s bottom lip remained between his teeth, but his eyes brightened and Hyunjin sent him a wink. Chan rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at him, jumping when Minho grabbed his attention. “Come on, Hyung,” he snapped, circling an arm around his shoulder and leading him to the opposite side of the cafeteria. “What are you doing, Chan?” Minho sighed as soon as they got settled, Chan freezing up in his seat. “He’s destructive. You’re going to get hurt.”

 

Deep down, Chan knew that that would be true. But it wouldn’t just be Hyunjin hurting Chan, it would be Chan hurting Hyunjin too. This could only end in flames, but Chan deemed it worthy. “Maybe so… I’ll deal with that when we get to it. For now…,” Chan’s eyes trailed off to Hyunjin, who was laughing wildly at his table. “I just want to enjoy the little time I have with him.” Chan smiled, and that had been the end. “Can I ask you a question?” Minho hummed in agreement. “What’s the deal with Changbin? Do you like him or what?” It was bold of him to ask, and Chan knew that if Changbin found out about him asking Minho, he’d chop his head off.

 

Minho set down is chopsticks staring at the table beneath. “We both do,” he said quietly,  and Chan mentally cheered. “We like him a lot, but we don’t want to freak him out. We’re not even sure if he wants both of us.” Chan’s eyes rolled so far into the back of his head at that, trying his best to contain himself from screaming into Minho’s face and call him an oblivious idiot for assuming such a thing.   


“Minho, trust me when I say this, but Changbin’s practically in love with you. He has been for a very long time,” Chan murmured, and Minho looked at him in disbelief. The younger took his hand between his two, his eyes saying everything he needed them to. “I’m not lying, he was heart broken when you and Woojin got together because you two were the only guys he liked and you ended up together. He saw it as bad luck, but I saw it as a start,” Chan laughed, allowing Minho to bury his nose into Chan’s hand. “Talk to him. Please.” Minho nodded, gulping. Minho rewarded Chan with a kiss to the cheek, but he had no idea that that one kiss would trigger a lot more pain then they were ready for.

  
  


“You said I didn’t have to worry.”

 

“Shit.”

 

Minho had shown up at Chan’s house when his parents were at work with Changbin and Woojin holding him up, beaten and bloodied. Minho didn’t have to say who it was for Chan to know exactly and storm out of his house to look for the younger. After looking everywhere, the train tracks were the last place he could think of, and thankfully, it worked out in the end as Hyunjin came stumbling through the trees to face him. “Yeah. You better be cursing,” Chan snapped, pushing himself off of the wall and storming up to the younger. Hyunjin’s eye was blackened, his cheek had a few cuts, and his lip was busted, but it seemed that Minho had pulled the short stick.

 

Hyunjin didn’t say anything.

 

“Damn it, Hyunjin,” Chan sighed, turning away from him and running a hand through his hair. He didn’t know how to feel at the time. Angry? Definitely. Sympathetic? Maybe. But sad? Upset? He shouldn’t but he does. Perhaps Hyunjin didn’t realize how much damage he could have possibly caused until he actually saw the distress in his eyes. “Do you think I’m some sort of fucking idiot? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Chan’s voice grew in volume, pacing angrily. Despite the feelings Hyunjin had for Chan, Hyunjin’s downfall will always be his instinct to defend himself and fall into his asshole headspace.

 

“That’s exactly why I did it. I wanted you to find out,” Hyunjin smirked, swiping his tongue across the busted skin of his lip and nibbling on it lightly with his teeth, despite the pain. “He needed to know his damn boundaries anyway.” Chan scoffed at the idea, shaking his head, “He’s going to hurt you! He’s just playing you!” Hyunjin exclaimed, anger clear in his tone but keeping his arms at his sides. Chan, however, didn’t have that much self control.

 

“We’re not even a thing! Besides, you can’t say shit! Don’t act like this hasn’t just been one big game to you anyway. You may say some of it’s real, but we both know that you’re just looking for a bit of fun.” Chan jabbed his finger into Hyunjin’s chest repeatedly. Chan may have seemed to be dripping with rage, but Hyunjin knew better. He knew and he saw that despair in the elder’s eyes. But Hyunjin was angry.

 

“What the fuck do you mean it’s all a game to me? Don’t tell me how I feel, Chan! It’s always been you! Ever since I saw you and Nova in the park!” Hyunjin spat, jaw locked and fists clenched. Chan stared at him for a moment, looking well along the lines of being broken and angry. There was too much to Chan that no one really knew. No one knew of the shit that ran through his head, and he kept it hidden away until he couldn’t. And unfortunately for him, now had been that time. “Chan? Chan, what are you doing?” Hyunjin sighed, watching Chan storm away over to the wall and punching it repeatedly. “Bang! Stop!” Hyunjin screeched, prying his hands away and behind him.

 

Chan ripped himself away, eyes wide and animalistic, and before either one of them knew it, Chan’s fist connected with Hyunjin’s cheek, starting a brawl. Punches, slaps, and kicks were thrown around like there wouldn’t be any consequences to it, both of them screaming out things they didn’t mean,and even when Chan pinned Hyunjin against the wall and their bloodied faces molded together painfully, the intense air around them didn’t sway by any means. Chan grew addicted to the taste of Hyunjin’s lips, but the tang of iron mixed in between set everything off. Chan was addicted to Hyunjin, but his life was the tang of blood mixed within.

 

They parted with a breath, the aching of their bodies finally kicking in along with the despair in Chan’s heart. Chan hadn’t cried in nearly 9 years, but that night, in the humid air of the skating rink, he sobbed into Hyunjin’s chest until his throat was raw, his eyes burned, and his stomach churned. And Hyunjin held him until his legs ached and his back was crying. Soon, they were on the couch, Hyunjin’s head in Chan’s lap and Chan’s fingers in Hyunjin’s hair. “I’m sorry,” Chan croaked, running his fingers along the forming bruises and bleeding cuts on Hyunjin’s cheeks.

 

“Don’t apologize. That was a long time coming.” Hyunjin feathered a kiss to Chan’s exposed, scraped knee. While their bodies may have ached, and they were slowly losing blood, they felt a bit more at ease now…. But there was still something eating away at their insides and they weren’t sure what it was. “Channie?” Chan swiped his hand through Hyunjin’s hair, “What are we?” Chan’s fingers never stopped their movements but Chan didn’t answer for a while.

 

“Well… if we’re lovers than we just committed domestic violence,” Chan trailed off to lighten the mood a bit, and it worked to a certain extent, earning a snort from the younger. But they knew they had to talk about this. “I don’t know, baby…” Hyunjin hummed out gently at the pet name, nuzzling into Chan’s hand that rested on his cheek, “I want to be more… but I’m scared that when the rain falls…” Even they knew that when summer is over, they would have to end everything they had between them.

 

Hyunjin sighed, sitting up out of Chan’s lap and looking at his bloodied face. “How about we just worry about that when we get to it. I care for you, Chan. A lot. I want to spend my time with you. You’re my safe place,” Hyunjin mouthed against his cheek, holding his hands in his own and pressing their thighs together. “Until the rain falls, my love.”

  


“Hey…”

 

_“Hey, Hyung.”_

 

“Changbin, Jisung and I have a gig tonight at the golf club. You should come. I want to see you.”

 

_“Sure, Hyung. What time.”_

 

“It’s at 8.”

 

_“I’ll see you there.”_

 

The fact of the matter was that no matter how much you wish time could slow down, it doesn’t. Summer was ending, school started in two days, and for the first time in three months, the night was forecasted for rain, and Chan needed to see Hyunjin one last time. “You nervous?” Jisung came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and dragging him out of his daze. Chan flinched, whirling around to face the younger and offering him a tiny, weak smile. Chan was nervous, yes, but it hadn’t been because of the gig.

 

“Of course. But we’re gonna be fine,” Chan grinned, rubbing his palm on the back of the younger’s hand in reassurance and kissing his forehead. Changbin was off to the side, Woojin and Minho practically all over him, and Chan and Jisung scrunched their noses up at the sight. “Look at him. He’s so fucking flustered,” Chan snickered, watching Woojin wrap Changbin into a back hug to kiss his cheek and Minho play with his fingers.

 

“Can’t really blame him though. They’re hot.”

 

“Don’t let him catch you saying that, he might rip you a new one.”

 

Chan and Jisung let out a screech when they heard Changbin behind him. “Who's going to rip you a new one?” He slowly raised his eyebrows at the two, trying to not only calm their breathing but contain their snickers at the same time. “What?” Changbin whined, stomping his foot with a pout. Suddenly, Minho came up behind him and placed a sloppy kiss to his cheek, causing him to flush and melt into a lovesick puddle. Chan and Jisung couldn’t contain their laughter anymore. Changbin finally realized what they were talking about and whined into a giggling Minho’s chest.

 

“Is it bullying Changbin hour?” Woojin snickered from a few feet away, sitting on one of the couches backstage, and Changbin just began to whine even more. Chan and Jisung made a silent bet that the teen would end up crawling onto Woojin’s lap any moment now, but they didn’t have that chance to voice it out loud as the stage managers came out to tell them that the show was about to start and that they needed to get ready. Changbin was given loving kisses of good luck, Jisung was on the phone with some girl Chan didn’t know the name of and Chan was… Chan wanted to escape and go find Hyunjin.

 

“Alright! Let’s go.”

 

Chan couldn’t describe what it felt like to be on stage. It was nerve racking but entirely euphoric. He could get addicted to that feeling, and it was as if he was replacing one addiction for another. “And that was 3racha!” Loud applause was heard and Chan’s eyes locked with bright, familiar ones. The three guys walked off stage, heading out back, and after mingling for about an hour or so, Chan escaped into the night and joined Hyunjin on the sidewalk in the back alley. They didn’t say anything, just greeting each other with soft, feather like kisses that didn’t mean much.

 

“Hey, baby.”

 

“Hey, hyung.”

 

They held each other for a while, Chan burying his head into Hyunjin’s neck and the younger holding him knowing it would be the last time. The two flinched when thunder boomed above them, glancing up and seeing the rolling gray clouds covering the moon they had grown so fond of. “Chan…” Hyunjin squeaked out when he felt the first drop, clutching the back of his shirt desperately as the tears began to fall with the rain. “Please, hyung,” Hyunjin whimpered, but Chan couldn’t extend this any longer. Their lips connected desperately, slow and steady. It was a goodbye, a soft, tender goodbye that needed to happen.

 

When the rain fell from the sky above and coated their shoulders like a thick blanket, both of them knew that the summer had come to an end and they would have to go back to way things were before. Even if they didn’t like it. Even if the rain above was their undoing, the marking point for the end. But it was all bitter sweet. They weren’t meant to be together at this time and they knew that, so they just enjoyed the little time they had.

 

Perhaps in a few years, they would bump into each other on the streets of Seoul and recognize each other. Hyunjin would ask him out for coffee and catch up. Chan would open up to his past lover with his heart hammering in his ears. Hyunjin would shyly make the first move, and Chan would feel numb all over again. It would be more tender, slow, easy going, just as it was supposed to be. But that was in a few years, not now.

 

For now, the only thing they were sure of was the rain pounding against the concrete and their red tinted skin from the neon sign above.

  
[[Moodboard](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1010134366859812864)]


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